I have not always been the most emotionally mature woman. I have yelled at my kids more times than I can count. I have vented about ‘frustrating’ interactions at work, irritations while shopping, other drivers, etc. How about you? In the past, I have found myself reacting in ways that afterwards I am not proud of.
My husband and I are the parents of a blended household, we have 5 children between the two of us. We are both divorced and co-parenting has not always been easy. The 4 C's is a tool that has helped us show up intentionally, with better control of ourselves, and more positive outcomes...even if the outcome is only satisfaction with our own actions.
Implementing these four keywords can help us in difficult interpersonal situations; whether in parenting, marriage, work, and just about anywhere! Before a difficult parenting conversation or work encounter, I remind myself to remember the 4 C's. Then I proceed...
CALM
Staying calm in a situation will always yield better results. I prepare myself first, remember to take deep breaths, and walk away if I feel myself losing control.
Your calm energy can influence the energy around you.
CURIOUS
Be curious about the why’s! I wonder why my child is reacting this way? I wonder what's going on with my co-worker to make her show up like this? I wonder what this angry woman might be going through personally?
Instead of jumping to judgment or thinking things should be different, curiosity helps me stay calm.
COMPASSIONATE
This is a big one for me. I show up better when I have compassion… for myself, my kids, even the people that hurt me. When I suspend judgment, realize that we are all flawed, with insecurities, hurts, and fears, it's easier to feel compassion for the people I interact with. It's good for them, but even better for me.
(Notice how all these C’s work hand in hand and play off each other? Having compassion helps you stay calm, and being curious helps you have compassion!)
CONFIDENT
Finally, when I show up with confidence, I have better results...every time. Tell yourself you can figure any problem out, and you can also make mistakes and it's ok! When you have confidence in showing up and just doing your best, you will become the best mom, friend, worker, and partner! You are amazing just as you are… flawed, smart, insecure, insightful, and loving. I know you got this… and I know I do too.