“I promise to always make you happy.” Have you ever heard a version of this promise? Maybe at a wedding, or in a romantic movie?
I used to believe that my happiness was dependent on other people, or my surroundings or circumstances. I also believed that it was my responsibility to make the people in my life happy.
Guess what? It didn’t work. I just ended up feeling resentful, desperate, and bitter a lot of the time.
Unfortunately the people in our lives can’t read our minds or know exactly how to meet our needs. Nor should they have to. That’s a lot of responsibility to put on the people we love.
I discovered no one is going to ride up on a white horse and rescue me, meet all my needs, and bring me ultimate happiness.
I have embraced the truth that I can’t control circumstances outside of me.
I don’t let others choose my experience. I am empowered to create my own reality. I stopped waiting for things and people outside of me to create my happiness. It’s my job to create the world and experience I want.
This doesn’t mean that I am always happy either. Sometimes I want to be sad, or angry, or frustrated. Sometimes I want to be happy and joyful and grateful! But I don’t put the responsibility of my emotions on things or people outside of me.
There might be times when my husband is grumpy, or my kids are complaining. That’s ok, I allow them to experience life how they want. I realize it’s not my job to make them happy, and it’s not theirs to make me happy. I might sit with them, talk with them, or I might go take a walk, read a book alone, or sit outside and listen to music. I allow them to have their feelings, and I allow mine as well while having compassion and holding space for all of us.
It’s amazing how much better my relationships are with the people in my life, and how much better my relationship with myself is too. I am responsible for my own happiness.